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Advice to graduates: Just ask questions Kelly has also agreed to be my friend as part of her contractual commitment to this podcast. Today, Im speaking with New York Times bestselling author, Kelly Corrigan. Thanks for sharing. We have a lot to learn from you. Kelly Corrigan:Theres a thing Im aware of about eye contact between spouses, and you either make it, or you dont, and once youre aware that thats deeply meaningful, and that it has this kind of almost immeasurable, physiological effect on the other person, then you make an effort to look them in the eye, and that seems like such a small thing, but its actually definitional in terms of your relationship, in terms of whether its a good day, or a bad day, or a good interaction, or a bad interaction. I was in a big, big rush to get in front of him, and say my apology, and be returned to a state of grace, but the fact is that his mom died. Just see who you can bump into out there. Okay, great. How does change actually happen? P.S. I love it that it gives up perfectionism, and it just says, Hey, whats possible today?. I was wrong, and that is very soothing, but then that took me back to this moment where I had gone to work for United Way after college, because I was going to save the world, and I was this total do-gooder. But the fact is if I said, Tell me more, go on, what else, youd say the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing, and it would be like the thing behind the thing, behind the thing is where really the pain is, and if I had waited way longer, I wouldve been able to say, Oh, I understand.. She lives in Philly and I live in California. Kelly Corrigan Wonders on Apple Podcasts 296 episodes Welcome to Kelly Corrigan Wonders, a place for people who like to laugh while they think and find it useful to look closely at ourselves and our weird ways in the hopes that knowing more and feeling more will help us do more and be better. Its not in my family. We only book nice people who have a sense of humor and know things worth knowing. So, God is generous was my dads way of promising us a better future. Enjoy an intimate and heartfelt interview series hosted by author Kelly Corrigan.MoreMore. This forgetting, this slide into smallness, this irritability in shame, this disorienting grief Its like this. Kate Bowler:Theres this other phrase, I was wrong, that has real power, and you learned that in a really intense way when your grandma died. 5:55. Kelly Corrigan:Thats not a headline anybody wants to read. Youre going to slide around, you know, youre going to deserve your life a little more some days than others. I dont have the genetic predisposition. I was wrong not to try to ease her days in some way.. Kelly Corrigan:Dont get crumbs on the baby. Theres a title. Kilpy Kate Bowler:I do think people offer certainties when they think that youre proof of something that scares them, and they cant just live in the uncertainty of not knowing for a minute. What do we do when the labels were given arent necessarily the ones we choose for ourselves? Its going to be great. Onward, my dears. Its the only way to keep the last bit of sanity. Shed do anything. Everything Happens : NPR They hate it. She had ovarian cancer, so she had fought it for seven years, and it was the kind of thing where I felt like I urgently wanted to deserve my life. Best Kelly Corrigan Show Podcasts (2023) They swell, and constrict, and break, and forgive, and behold, because its like this, having a heart. Kate Bowler:I dont think Ill like it, but I will think of you when I do it. Kate Bowler:Yeah. To learn more about Everything Happens for a Reason (and Other Lies Ive Loved) by Kate Bowler, click here. Kelly Corrigan:And so I didnt do it. I dont have the genetic predisposition. I think people think that if you have a diagnosis, or somethings happened to you that you should know because youre proof of it. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. You understand what you did wrong., Kelly Corrigan:So to me, that felt very different than saying, Im sorry. They thrill, and confound, and circle, and overflow, and disappear, because its like this, having a life.. Your mantra is fantastic and is sounds like it has served you well through the years! Yeah. Its the title of my memoir-still-in-progress. That sounds really right to me. Constance Wu also thanks a past educator of hers, Mr. Frizzle. Kelly Corrigan:They hate it. Kate Bowler:Yeah, the indignity. This forgetting, this slide into smallness, this irritability in shame, this disorienting grief Its like this. Like, Im just an ordinary person, and I make all the mistakes that everybody else makes and maybe even 10% more, and then there she was, and what she would have done for the life that I was kind of rushing through, multitasking my way through day, after day, and you know, sort of feeling snappish, and then catching myself, and feeling like I should be different. Ill definitely have to write this one down and bring it out on a particularly overwhelming day! Mary Hope wrote this thoughtful, open-hearted letter to her community to introduce her son Alex - who had previously been known to all as Jenna, her daughter. What a unique family motto! -Kilpy Kelly Corrigan:Yeah, and theres forgiveness and acceptance kind of intertwined there that you know, youre going to forget. For the Love Podcast - Jen Hatmaker For awhile, Id say shed been robbed, or ripped off. Kathy and her husband Tony have three children. This is the way this has to be, and its right there. I said, No, I just want to go back to Vietnam and do what I was doing. Kate Bowler:Yeah. I think thats cause we were always sort of fighting nearby. Kelly Corrigan:You know, that I had lost his favor for a moment, and I was just so ashamed. Join New York Times bestselling author Kelly Corrigan as she choreographs big-ideas conversations with some of the creative thinkers and artists who define our time. Alex, Surely, my friend, my lost and lovely friend, called for new words. I mean, Im totally coming to see you. I didnt do it. My mom called me maybe three months after my dad died. Tell Me More with Kelly Corrigan | Michael Lewis | Season 5 | Episode 1 Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Kelly Corrigan:I never came up with any combination that came close to the feeling. The space between doubt and belief is often unpopular, but the tension can be held. Gratefully, Kate Bowler:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan:And how do we earn it? I mean, I dont know why you went with, Everything Happens for a Reason, because Dont get crumbs on the baby, that could be the follow up. Those ordinary consonants and vowels that, when strung together, offer meaning and points of entry for others. Welcome to Kelly Corrigan Wonders, a place for people who like to laugh while they think and find it useful to look closely at ourselves and our weird ways in the hopes that knowing more and feeling more will help us do more and be better. It kind of reminded me though, when I was little, my family used to have these mottos, but the mottos were stuff like, Dont get crumbs on the baby, or Be nice to mom. Tell Me More with Kelly Corrigan is a series that inspires, educates and entertains. I mean, maybe I was projecting, maybe whatever he said in that moment, maybe if he had said peanut butter, and jelly, wed be talking about peanut butter and jelly, but it totally resonated for me in the way that a song lyric does where youre like, I dont know what that means exactly, but Im going to write that down, and put it in my wallet, and its interesting. So, I really appreciated the way that you framed the bigness and the smallness of it, because it has to be both. This is me writing a letter to Liz, and I wrote the whole thing, and I cried my eyes out the whole time I was writing it, and wiping my nose, and blowing my nose, and sitting back down, and Edwards like, You all right? And Im like, Im all right. Okay, great. Kelly Corrigan:Have you ever heard that potted plant theory? Kelly reads everything from eulogies to retirement speeches and on February 19th, she . We are so glad that you joined us for this conversation and found it enjoyable. Kellys guest is actress and author Constance Wu - you may know her from her roles in the breakthrough tv show Fresh Off the Boat and the blockbuster film Crazy, Rich Asians. So, maybe when life is chronic, we all need some sayings to anchor us, our very own mottos that guide us through. Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Kelly Corrigan:So, I get it, but I spend a lot of time with them, and Im madly in love with them, really, really have this deep, incredible connection with them that I just value so much, and they are in her, and you know, theyre everything that was so important to her. Kate Bowler:Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Weekly dose of wonder: The glorious sounds of chickens : NPR In, warm, insightful, often funny conversations, Kate talks with people about what they've. You cant only experience deep gratitude at the toenails that you seriously wish someone else would have cut, because seriously, whos doing this around here? Ill read you a little bit from the very end of that chapter because the thing that he was saying I think is, This is how it goes.. Wondering if youve come across Bahai writings as I find them inspiring in building a circle of friends, a community and help each other grow together. Kelly Corrigan:You cant be in the world, and get through your to-do list, and also sit in endless, rich gratitude. I was wrong not to try to ease her days in some way.. Theres meatless Mondays, and theres a kombucha bar, and theres nap pods. Im not sure where the bar is set at in normalcy though. That kind of belonging is transcendent, and you just feel it pop up in these little moments. Kate Bowler:Today, I get a chance to talk to Kelly about some of her very best phrases. Tell Me More - Kate Bowler You understand what you did wrong., Kelly Corrigan:So to me, that felt very different than saying, Im sorry. Were just a series of days and interactions. Kelly Corrigan:So, she had to call someone and ask them to come over and zip her dress so she could go to the wedding. I mean, maybe I was projecting, maybe whatever he said in that moment, maybe if he had said peanut butter, and jelly, wed be talking about peanut butter and jelly, but it totally resonated for me in the way that a song lyric does where youre like, I dont know what that means exactly, but Im going to write that down, and put it in my wallet, and its interesting. I dont know. That kind of belonging is transcendent, and you just feel it pop up in these little moments. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Then the ocean with its waves so vast, impossible to touch bottom, then a maze, then a mountain, then seasons, a natural disaster. (To be fair, Ive loved all that I have listened to). Maybe I dont have to be good, but I can try to be least a little better then Ive been so far., Riham:Our family motto is Allah Kareem. Kelly Corrigan:Youre feeling like ABC, not DEF. So thats the beauty of it. I was wondering if you could tell me about that. Kelly Corrigan:I know, me too. Lang Lang and Gina Alice play the piano in Lafayette, CA. Kate Bowler:Yeah. with Kelly Corrigan When bestselling author Kelly Corrigan experienced the death of her dad and dear friend back-to-back, she couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't living as gratefully as she wanted to. Thats where relationship lives is in these tiny moments, and whether you are cognizant of that and tuned into that channel all the time, or not, that is the story of a relationship. Kelly Corrigan:Where you can feel the person kind of asking around, snooping just enough, and its not for your sake. If you haven't heard of Father Greg Boyle, let us introduce you: a Jesuit priest who has a touch of Santa Claus in his affect, Greg Boyle has collaborated with thousands of former gang members to build thriving businesses and communities of radical acceptance in East LA. Thats the word. Its like this now seems like a helpful way to process changethanks for offering that up . Kate Bowler: I'm Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. I went to see her one time. So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. Kelly Corrigan:And he said, Thats a way to be a parent, which is to say to be there, to be available, to be within view, but not necessarily inserting yourself, because even though as your kids get older and older, it feels like theyre looking for you less and less, it is sort of a comfort to glance over, and see you there, and feel you there, and they would most certainly notice if you werent. And then right on the heels of that, I think, What would Liz do for this?. You might actually give somebody a chance to discover whats really bothering them, and in that discovery they might find their own solution, but the fact is that if you can bite your stupid tongue, and get over yourself, and just keep eliciting their whole story, then the next thing you know, their mood is changing, and theyre feeling more solution-oriented, and then they get the buzz of solving the problem. We should thank the chef. Even the words left unsaid. Ryland was a light in this world who struggled with anxiety, depression and addiction. Make the magic happen. Their oldest, Aaron was killed in a car accident 20 summers ago, just after his freshman year in college. Were just a series of days and interactions. Team Everything Happens, Kate, Kate Bowler:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tomorrow, March 28, 2023 would have been his 40th birthday. Onwards! So, thats just the question in front of all of us. I was healthy, and then I was sick, and now Im feeling pretty good, and even though the language around immunotherapy isnt perfect, I can happily say that I am in remission.